Bumping uglies on the Gulf Coast during the Oil Spill of 2010.

What self respecting college kid is going to drive Daddy's car down to the Alabama Gulf Coast next spring to get drunk, smoke weed, watch wet T shirt contests and bump uglies with the locals.....soaked in oil? The answer, NO ONE!!!!!!! It's not a good time to be in the service industry along the Gulf Shore now or in the future on Day 68 of O'Bama's Chernobly! The dark cloud of sooty smoke has lifted over my head since I moved North to the Highlands for my tasting. Tonight I'm enjoying a 1.15 Glenfarclas, light, flowery, and fruity. A great breakfast dram. Wish you were here. Slainte, Tommy Maaltman

Tommy wonders, Why don't we turn Herr Docktor Maximilien Aue loose on Brad Thor's terrorist?

Dear Dave, As the first sip of a nicely chilled 54.7 Aberlour from a sherry cask traverses my esophagus and rapidly diffused through my gastric mucus into my blood stream, thoughts of the days eight hour robotic cystectomy, radical prostatectomy, bilateral lymph node dissection and ileal conduit rapidly dissipate and I couldn't help but think that Herr Docktor Maximilien Aue seems to be a recurring theme in your emails. He appears to have a profound effect on you. Almost like a recurring bad nightmare. Perhaps the thought of him having his way with Brad Thor's nasty goat herders would be as soothing as the Aberlour is to me after a big day of surgery. By the way, you must try this Aberlour, a Speyside, Highlands. Very sweet and delicious chilled to a little cooler than I usually drink my whisky. Slainte, Tommy (very much missing the Islays) Maaltman

Chernobly, Obama, and the Carnival.

It's day 55 of O'Bama's Chernobyl, i.e., The Gulf (of Mexico) War. I am so distraught that I have made a major decision in my life. While this debacle continues I will no longer drink my beloved Islays. The taste of the Ocean, sea salts and their characteristic essences of creosote, tar, gasoline, kerosene, and oil remind me too much of how this disaster is being managed. Seriously, who drills for oil in over 5000 feet of hurricane churned water? Oh, we do because federal regulations prohibit drilling in shallow uninhabited lands we own. I realize as a U.S. Senator and CCO (Chief Community Organizer,) O'Bama is not responsible, but as my favorite rapper Fifty Cent would say, "***** please." Don't feel bad for me. I simply am moving north to the Highlands for all my whisky tasting for the time being. In fact as I write , I am enjoying a 9.2 Glen Grant cask strength single malt with a sweet floral and fruity nose, sugary presence and after taste of pink cotton candy. The kind I enjoyed as a kid served by a skinny sun damaged carney with a stingy long greasy mullet and black dirt under his fingernails. I sure am glad restaurant owners now have signs in their bathrooms saying, Restaurant Workers Are Required To Wash Their Hands After Going To The Bathroom. Perhaps with these delightful expressions of the Highland Whiskies I will be more able to clearly determine whose neck to put my boot to and whose ass to kick. Slainte, Tommy Maaltman

Tar balls and a Presidential fly over in Air Force One

Week two and Jill is making slow but steady progress. Less pain, less numbness, and more range of motion. Which reminds me of the answer one of my favorite old patients used to say every time I asked him about his wife. "Oh, she's as ornery as ever!" I'm celebrating with a 1.153, Bowmore (Islay) with a distinctive sea salt taste of brine and an undercurrent of petroleum products. Come to think of it , most of my Islay's have a strong petroleum taste, almost as if someone sprinkled tar balls into my pristine whisky. I'm going to ask President Obama for a fly over in Air Force One at tax payers expense of course to check out the situation. Slainte, Tommy Maaltman