Tommy Maaltman's Wild, Wild, West Lassiter says "leather it."

Lassiter stepped over the swinging doors of The Hole in the Wall Saloon where having been kicked one time too many, they fell on the ground after years of neglect, dry rot, and rusty hinges. With no one nearby with an ounce of ambition or the money to fix the doors, they would lay there until the rest of the saloon disintegrates and falls to the ground turning into dust in the dirty, dusty forgotten town of.........Forgotten. Upon entering the saloon, Jimmy, the sixteen year old third grade Frontier school drop out whose family was recently scalped and massacred in an Injun raid, recently having discovered rot gut rye whiskey six weeks before, stood up and drew his six shooter trying to make a name for himself. Lassiter said, "leather it" and calmly walked forward to within two inches of Jimmy's face and said, "Kid, there are two things in life that you should never do. One, don't draw a gun when you are drunk on a lone gunman dressed all in black leather who makes a living killing other men for fun and profit." Jimmy slurred, "Oh yeah, what's the other thing Mr. Lassiter?" "Don't never drink cheap rot gut rye whiskey. It will destroy your liver and rattle your brain." As Jimmy slid his gun back into his leather holster, Lassiter's two heavy fists came slamming down on Jimmy's shoulders breaking both clavicles in the middle rendering his arms and hands useless. Lassiter turned to Gums, the toothless, unshaven barkeep and flipped him a gold piece and said, "If Jimmy's broken bones mend and he can use his arms and hands again, get him a dram of Lagavulin, Distillers Edition, Double Matured, 43 vol. Finished in Pedro Ximenez Sherry casks, with a rich amber color, smoke and fish nose, smoke, peat, and Spanish Sherry taste, and long soft, smokey and gently spiced finish. While being spoon feed by some poor sole, Jimmy is going to have a long time to think about Lassiter's advice. Slainte, Tommy Maaltman