Tommy Maaltman's Wild, Wild West Lassiter's opinion of SMOKE FREE ESTABLISHMENTS

The year was 1873 and it had been several months since Lassiter last stepped through the doors of the Hole In The Wall Saloon. Upon entering he paused, built himself a smoke, placed it between his lips, cupped his hands around the end, looked down and sparked it. Deeply inhaling he looked around the room and immediately saw a large heavy wooden sign hanging over the bar with the words in big black, bold letters, THIS IS A SMOKE FREE ESTABLISHMENT. Sitting at the bar under the sign was Doc Stirling, the Army Veterinarian hired by the United States Federal Government to make sure the army mules weren't being abused during the Plains Indian Wars. Doc, having run three practices into the ground back east due to his fondness for the drink was sitting alone nursing a Seabreeze. Nervously looking around he noticed Lassiter eyeing the sign and instinctively dove to the dusty dirty ground for cover. Lassiter shaking his head with a since of rage boiling his blood pulled two Smith and Wesson 44 magnum six shooters and unloaded both into the sign. As the thundering repercussion of the blazing guns quieted and the smoke began to settle, the sign took one last swing and crashed to the ground almost crushing Doc. Lassiter turned to the terrified crowd of drunks, derelicts and desperadoes and said, "Gents, this ain't a smoke free establishment no more." Doc crawled up on his stool and resumed drinking his Seabreeze. Gums, the toothless, unshaven barkeep reached behind the bar and poured Lassiter a dram of a very smoky Laphroaig LPI, Elements of Islay, Speciality Drinks, 58.8 vol with a pale bullet shell casing brassy yellow color. Classic Laphroaig, heavy smoked kipper, industrial smoke, steam engine and grungy peat nose. Big peat and tarry flavor and crashingly loud peat, fish and smoke finish. Lassiter finished his dram, took the last drag from his smoke, tapped it out on the bar and placed the butt between his gum and his cheek. Still disgusted he turned and walked out the door. Slainte, Tommy Maaltman