Tommy Maaltman's Wild, Wild West, Pennies from Heaven.

One day, out of the clear blue sky, a telegraph wiring money, was received by Minerva Lassiter, the long lost seventeen year old daughter of Colton Lassiter, the stone cold, gun for hire, professional killer. Living in squalor in Valdosta, Georgia, Minerva was working her fingers to the bone washing dirty, fly infested, bandages and bedding in a dilapidated boarding house serving the wounded and dying Confederate Soldiers in the newly reconstructed South after the War of Northern Aggression. The money transfer was accompanied by a message that read, "Minerva Lassiter, use this money to improve your lot in life. Fondly, your father, Colton Lassiter." Unfortunately, Minerva couldn't read or count but she was smart enough to seek advice and professional help. She went to the most reputable bank in the South, The Southern Union, and asked to speak to the bank's president. Reluctantly, a Mr. Balfour Bagette asked Minerva to come into his office and sit down. Looking over his glasses, the pink skinned, balding, fat, gout inflicted from years of over eating and over drinking, man, saw a severely malnourished, filthy, desperate woman dressed in rags and looking years older than her age. Feeling a sense of......disgust, he never the less carefully counted up the money totaling $250.00 Federal United States Bank Notes from a Mr. Colton Lassiter residing in the dirty, dusty, forgotten Western Territory town of.....Forgotten and dutifully told Minerva that " she was the fortunate recipient of $50.00 Confederate (worthless after the war) Dollars from a Mister Colton Lassiter living in St. Louis, Missouri." Learning of her new found " wealth and good fortune" and realizing that she could never in a lifetime save up that amount of money as a wash woman, she stood up and fainted hitting her head on the marble floor and splitting her forehead wide open leaving a nasty jagged gash. Upon regaining consciousness, she asked Mr. Bagette for the money and he happily handed her $40.00 useless Confederate dollars keeping his "10% bank fee" anxious to get her out of his office so that an underling could clean up the mess. Minerva never bothered to give notice to the boarding house. She immediately purchased a third class one way ticket to St. Louis with her meager savings, carefully sewing her new found " wealth" into her ragged dress for safe keeping, seeking to find her savior, not knowing that Lassiter was nowhere near St. Louis. Meanwhile Lassiter, feeling good about helping the daughter he walked out on was hundreds of miles away in the dirty, dusty, forgotten town of.......Forgotten at The Hole in the Wall Saloon savoring a dram of Glenglassaugh cask strength single malt Scotch whisky, vol. 51.1%, 102.2 proof with a light gold color, cotton candy nose, vanilla custard and glycerine taste, and a sweet, minty, vanilla finish. As he cherished his last sip of the sweet nectar he couldn't help but think, "Ain't life good!". Slainte, Tommy Maaltman